Planning a funeral is a complicated process which is made even more difficult by the emotional stress that accompanies the death of a loved one. Fortunately, many of the arrangements can be made ahead of time, which will decrease the burden on those left behind.
The time to start thinking about it is when it’s unlikely to happen any time soon. It’s less painful. You get it out of the way. Many people are saying, “I’m going to take action now while I still feel good and I’m still healthy.” You don’t have to be old. If you recall, Terri Schiavo was 26 when she suffered a heart attack that deprived her brain of oxygen and left her a living vegetable for 15 years, at great cost and trauma to her family.
Discussing funeral plans for yourself or with a loved one is a significant first step in making sure your final wishes are carried out. The most important thing is to assign two people who can be your health care proxy if you can’t speak for yourself. The health care proxy is a legal representation of the patient when the patient cannot communicate. It should be two people so you will have a backup. You should sit down with each person and have a conversation about what you would like done under varying circumstances: When would you want to be resuscitated? When would you want to let nature take its course?
Choosing a funeral home at this point is the next important step. An experienced funeral home director can guide you through the maze of decisions with care and understanding on such questions as choosing burial or cremation, selecting a casket or a cremation container, a burial vault or cremation urn, and the location and type of service.
Other preferences are: choice of family viewing or visitation, kind of floral arrangements, and photographs and religious or fraternal items to be displayed. Regarding the service, what kind of music, hymns and solos, scripture or literature is preferred. You may select a memorial register, memorial folders, and acknowledgements.
This is just the beginning of the multitude of details the funeral home director can help you to review. Transportation, participants, and cemetery selection are additional areas where an experienced director can help.
Why are people so reluctant to take these steps? Perhaps because in years past, most people died at home. Death was a familiar part of life to people of all ages, including children. In recent decades, death has moved into the hospital and nursing homes as we have become a death-denying society. By taking steps today you can relieve your loved ones of the multiple decisions that must be made. You will also know these decisions are the right ones because you made them.
This article was provided by Al Lineberry, Jr. at Hanes-Lineberry Funeral Services of the Triad.