By Cheryl Farkas
L-R Bette Jensen, Dot Latham, Jane Ellen Walsh (standing) and Barbara Hood (seated).
One thing is certain: Betty Jensen, 91; Dot Latham, 89; Jane Ellen Walsh, 79; and Barbara Hood, 82, all came from different places, different situations, different lifestyles, and have very different personalities. The one thing they have in common is they decided to remain open to making new, lifelong friendships in their retirement community, and they don’t regret one minute of their efforts.
Each of these ladies had equal fears and believed the same myths before moving. Now they know moving to a retirement community doesn’t take away any of their freedom, privacy or independence but actually enhances their life. The change has given them a better sense of community, given each a sort of extended family, and of course, given the most valuable gift of all, true and lasting friendships.
“Making friends is easy, it’s a decision you make to be open,” Barbara says.
Dot adds, “It’s a diverse group of people, but it isn’t impossible. It’s a challenge for all of us, mostly for people who have been alone for a long time. All of us remember the first day, walking into a dining area with a sea of people, all strangers, looking at you.”
None of that stops Dot. She is on a mission, like a welcoming committee, all by herself. She takes on the newcomers, responsive or not, tucks them under her wing and slowly introduces them to everyone until she sees they are becoming adjusted. As soon as she feels they are comfortable, she moves on quickly.
Betty says, “One day, shortly after I arrived here but before I thought I was ready to make new friends, Dot let me know I would have to find someone else to have dinner with because new people were arriving, and they too needed her help to feel comfortable.”
Jane Ellen Walsh decided to move to a retirement community for her family’s sake, just as the others did. Jane Ellen didn’t think it was fair to her children, who have their own families, to have to take time away from them or worry about her all of the time. Jane Ellen says, “My friends are sometimes the ones I talk to about my ailments. Family members sometimes panic prematurely. If it’s serious, my friends take it seriously. If I’m just whining, like any one of us does at times, they just say ‘bla bla…’ to remind me to stay positive. The ‘Bla, Bla Sisterhood’ is what we call ourselves.”
“We can always respectfully choose to have our privacy,” Barbara says, “We have a code among us for that. If any one of us says we are going to the beach or the mountains one day, that means we prefer to be alone; we know to back off. Not for long though. We always check in with each other to make sure we have had a safe return.”